Top 10 things not to say - during sex (if you are a man)

1. Can we turn off the lights?

2. Am I your first?

3. Have you had a wash

4. Your underwear looks like my mum's

5. I have to get back to work after this

6. Where is your hole?

7.Hold on to my feet I`m going in

8. Is that smell you

9. I`m coming (2 minutes after starting)

10. Have you ever heard of breasts implants?

Top 10 things not to say -  during sex (if you are a woman)

1. Are you in yet?

2. Oh David ( when your partners name is Rob)

3. The ceiling needs painting

4. There's a spider on the ceiling"

5. Pass that magazine will you?

6. Hurry up my parents are coming any minute

7. Did you put the garbage out?

8. Is that all?

9. Have you ever considered Viagra?

10. Last but not least Wake me up when you're done