Funny
SMS
SMS Jokes
1) News: 3 Chimps escaped from the zoo...
1 was caught watching tv... another playing
football and the third one was caught reading
this txt message
2) The longest sentence
known to man: "I do."
3) CNN News. Bush
orders 15,000 FBI trained dogs to track
down Osama. FBI awaiting further orders
as one of the dogs is reading this
4) Crime doesn't pay...Does
that mean my job is a crime?
5) This dog, is dog,
a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog,
an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20
dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without the
word dog.
6) Why were males
created before females?
Cos you always need a rough draft before
the final copy.
7) I want to suck
you... lick you... wanna move my tongue
all over you...wanna feel you in my mouth...yep,
tat's how u...eat an ice cream!
ALGEBRA: A
weapon of math destruction.
1) Don't spend $2
to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation
Army instead. They'll clean it, put it on
a hanger. Next morn buy it back for 50p.
2) Do you ever notice
that when you're driving, anyone going slower
than you is an idiot and everyone driving
faster than you is a maniac?
3) Q:What is the difference
between a wife and a girlfriend?
A:About 45 pounds!!
4) Q: What is the
difference between a smart blonde and a
UFO?
A: There have
been sightings of UFOs.
5) I think drinking
and driving is terrible. You always spill
it when you change gears...
6) There was this
Eskimo chick who spent the night with her
boyfriend. Next morning she found out she
was 6 months pregnant.
7) What did the elephant
say to the naked man?
How do you breathe through that thing?
8) What happened when
the Pope went to Mount Olive?
Popeye beat the crap outta him.
9) I've used up all
my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
10) Boss: (to employee)
- Experts say humor on the job relieves
tension in this time of down-sizing, Knock,
Knock.
Employee: Who's there?
Boss: Not you anymore.
11) What's the diff
between a Rottwieler and a Poodle?
If Rotty starts humping your leg, let it
finish.
sms joke
(1 - 10)
1) Two goldfish are in a tank. One says
to the other, "Do you know how to drive
this thing?"
2) What is the difference
between a woman and a magnet?
Magnets have a positive side!
3) The probability
of someone watching you is proportional
to the stupidity of your action.
4) Q: What does a
blonde owl say?
A: What, what?
5) What do you call
a blonde hiding in a closet?
The 1977 World Hide and Seek Champion.
6) Why was Phillip's
girlfriend annoyed?
Coz she found out that Phillips 24 inch
was a TV.
7) Why did Tigger
stick his head in the toilet?
He was looking for Pooh!
8) Any woman that
thinks the way to a mans heart is through
his stomach is aiming just a little too
high.
9) How many men do
you need for a mafia funeral?
Only one. To slam the car boot shut.
10) For sale : Twin
beds, one hardly used.
Crazy Pranks
& Hilarious Gags - great to play on
your mobile phone sms friends :)
1)What do you call
a Lada/Skoda at the top of a hill? A miracle.
2) What are 3 words
you never wanna hear whilst making love?
Honey, I'm home!
3) How do you save
a man from drowning? Take yer foot of his
head.
4) Q: How many men
does it take to change a toilet roll?
A: We don't
know. Never happens.
5) Q: Why was the
leper caught speeding?
A: He couldn't
take his foot of the accelerator.
6) A chicken sandwidch
walked into the bar, ordered some food and
beer. The bartender says: "Sorry, we
don't serve food here".
7) I've got the ship,
you've got the harbor ... what say we tie
up for the night?
8) If I could rearrange
the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
9) What did the drummer
get on his IQ test? Drool...
10) Q: What's difference
between Yoghurt and Australia?
A: One has a
real live culture.
sms quotes
1) I can please only one person per day.
Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking
good either.
2)It's no accident
that stressed spelled backwards is desserts.
3) I wonder if you
choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
4) Just because you're
paranoid, it doesn't mean they're NOT out
to get you.
5) Minds are like
Parachutes. They work best when open.
6) Do not meddle in
the affairs of cats, for they are subtle
and will whiz on your computer.
7) Lightyears ahead!
Just a phonecall away!
8) Very funny Scotty.
Now beam up my clothes.
9) There cannot be
a crisis today; my schedule is already full.
10) Borrow money from
pessimists--they don't expect it back
11) Nothing in the
known universe travels faster than a bad
check.
12) What do you call
a handcuffed man?
- Trustworthy.
Crazy Pranks
& Hilarious Gags - great to play on
your dumb cellphone friends :)
Funny sms
jokes
What's the quietest place in the world?
The complaint department at the parachute
packing plant
Q: What do you do
when a blonde throws a pin at you?
A: Run like
hell....she's got a hand grenade in her
mouth.
What's the difference
between a man and E.T.?
- E.T. phoned home.
What is the thinnest
book in the world?
What Men Know About Women.
A successful man is
one who makes more money than his wife can
spend.
Marriage is a three
ring circus: an engagement ring, a wedding
ring, and suffering
If you jogged backward
... would you gain weight?
If you can't change
your mind, are you sure you still have one?
Confucious say Put
rooster in freezer to get a stiff cock.
Confucious say Man
have more hair on chest than woman - but
on the whole woman have more.
I'm not into working
out. My philosophy: No pain. No pain.
I only use de-oudourant
under one arm, so I know what I would have
smelled of.
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